I hate that money is always an issue
I hate that we had to put gas on a credit card today, because we physically have no money left in the checking account until Wednesday
I hate that I need new moisturizer and have to keep putting it off because I don't have the extra money
I hate that moisturizer is just one of many many small things that we need... small things that feel huge because our budget just doesn't have any room for them
I hate that even with Mike's good salary, we have nothing left over - and are in fact usually in the red - after bills are paid and groceries and gas are bought
I hate that we are paying SO MUCH MONEY every month on credit card payments, because of house repairs, medical bills, and poor judgement in the past. I hate that there is nothing we can do about it now but just deal with it and pay for it and try to bring down the balance.
I hate watching everyone around me be so carefree, taking so much for granted. Talking about their iPhones and dinners out, vacations, movies, new clothes and houses and cars. Trips to Starbucks and hairdressers and spas. I hate that it bothers me.
And even as I'm hating those things.....
I know in my heart that we have so much to be thankful for!! I know we are very blessed to have Mike's job. We are blessed to have our health, and to have our home. To have the air in our lungs, and the roof over our heads, and good food on our table. I know that we have way more than we need. I know that we will get through this, and be stronger in the end, and I know that God will provide.
But the frustrations come, and all I can do is let myself feel them. It's exhausting having such conflicting emotions in my head all the time. No wonder I never sleep.